It's hard to ask for help.

I am not good at asking for help. I often do things myself instead of allowing others to get involved. I like to think of it as coming from a good work ethic and a selfless spirit. However, I think most of the time it comes from good old fashioned pride.

Asking for help requires an acknowledgment that you need help in the first place. This is admitting that I can't do it on my own - that I lack - that I don't have it all together. This is hard.

Asking for help also opens emotions inside me that make me feel uncomfortable. Grace is a word that I can teach on from the Bible, but have such a difficulty living in. When someone helps me I immediately respond by trying to figure out how I can help them back. Internally I feel that I owe them something. I also find myself having feelings of deep gratitude and I struggle sharing deep appreciation because it requires a level of emotional connection that I avoid.

So, why this contemplative post? Well - through this adoption journey - we have been incredibly blessed by friends and family who have prayed for us, asked us for updates, and have supported us. We have had people step up to give a helping hand without us asking. We have experienced folks responding to a request by going above and beyond. We have been blessed by the people in our lives and their affirmation.

Through this journey I am learning that people want to help, want to contribute, want to get involved and when I immediately say, "no thanks - we've got it covered..." I may be robbing someone from a moment of joy and I am lying. (wow - that's true and hard to admit.)

Anyways - thanks to our family and friends for walking the journey with us. Thanks to those who are helping make our benefit date night happen! Thanks to those who love us. We don't have everything covered and we do need you. I can admit that now. Thanks.

Vicki is much better at this than me.
- Steve